Monsoon
by judypastel
Summary: Kaoru has always been forgiving. HikaruKaoru


First fic. Characters certainly not mine.

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"It's boring." Hikaru says from his side of the bed. Kaoru stops reading at page 125 and looks at his brother. There is a glint in his eyes that is base yet familiar and Kaoru knows exactly what he has in mind. There is a click and then it is dark. Hikaru is already kissing his neck before he can even put down the book.

Hikaru's hands are deft, Kaoru notes, as he undoes buttons on his shirt. He aces at this. He is meticulous yet strangely robot-like. Kaoru has often seen this look on his brother's face when solving problems in Algebra and it is almost comical. He stifles a laugh as Hikaru finishes the last button.

"What?" Hikaru asks, his voice hoarse and thick and raw. Kaoru smiles and says 'Nothing' as he pulls his brother close. He smells like sweat and earth after a long day at school. It reminds him of dust during summer and how they would fit themselves inside cabinets or the space below the staircase to hide. Kaoru liked the way the spaces were constricting and how they would be forced to crouch together, elbows touching while the rest of the household searched for them "_Hikarukaoru_," as if their names were one.

Right now, there is Hikaru unbuckling his belt. There is sweat on his brow. Kaoru raises his hand to brush at his brother's face tenderly; although in truth his heart is racing and his breathing is getting heavy. _Hikaru is beautiful even in the halflight_.

Then there is Hikaru's mouth on his. Soft at first as if they are there by accident and then more deliberate and violent as if Hikaru is trying to swallow him whole. Kaoru keeps his eyes open, marveling at their proximity. There, just below Hikaru's left eye is a mole barely visible; on his cheek a small scar he got from a stubborn zipper.

In swift movements, Hikaru disposes of Kaoru's clothes. It is too late when Kaoru realizes this and his brother covers his body with his own still-clothed one--only the top three buttons of his shirt undone. Kaoru doesn't remember when this started being immediate and rushed and suddenly he misses his brother's warm chest, his thighs upon his thighs.

Hikaru enters him without warning, with little lube. Not that he is deliberate in hurting, Kaoru considers amid the pain searing through his body, just careless sometimes as he tends to be. Hikaru starts moving erratically, and it is hard to find rhythm. He lifts his brother's leg over a shoulder because _'this is easier; you're tighter like this'_ he gasps into his brother's ear. All the while his eyes are shut, and Kaoru wonders briefly if it is still him he is seeing. For a while, Kaoru feels nothing but pain as he clutches at the sheets, the headboard, but never his brother's back.

He knows when it is about to be over when Hikaru's fingers dig deeper around his hips. He knows, too, that there would be bruises when he faces the bathroom mirror tomorrow. Hikaru thrusts into him one last time before he screams a name that is not his and Kaoru finally knows that he is seeing brown hair and big round eyes.

When it is over, they are both out of breath. Kaoru wonders if the wetness on his cheeks is sweat.

His brother mumbles something into his neck, that may have been an apology, may have been not. The pain is slowly subsiding but he knows there is blood on his thighs, the sheets. Hikaru is still inside him and Kaoru does not dare move because he likes the heat emanating from his twin, likes the way some strands of his hair falls to his face. For a passing moment he wants to say _'stay like this until we die from hunger.'_ But he doesn't and it is too late as Hikaru pulls out of him, and is followed immediately by an emptiness that he has never felt before.

Hikaru refuses to look at him, stares and exhorts his guilt to his side of the wall instead. Kaoru feels anger swelling up inside him, only a flicker of it, but anger nonetheless. It is gone as soon as it appeared, and he rests his hand lightly on his brother's shoulder. Hikaru is still clothed so Kaoru inches towards him, letting his lips touch his neck. The fabric is rough just below his chin. "You smell like earth" he says. And Hikaru laughs, thinking he is forgiven, gets up to dress.


End file.
